Sunday, September 9, 2012

I'm Bored

I don’t like museums. I never have. I never will. I think they are boring unless I am able to do something interactive in them (I do like the Boston Museum of Science). When people want to go to museums, I prefer art museums. I don’t like art, but I like to make fun of the people who think a canvas painted blue actually means something. (If a blue canvas is art, my painted block art I created at 3 was much more valuable that the $25 my dad paid for it at the school auction.)

When JDate #1 suggested we go to the Museum of Natural History for our first date, I was already dreading it. I told him I really liked the MoMA. His response? “That’s cool, too. Let’s go to the Museum of Natural History.”

As soon as I got there, I realized two things. One, he lied about his height. Two, this was going to be a hilarious story for my blog. While we stood in the ticket line, he barely spoke to me. I kept the conversation alive because I figured he was nervous. I suggested we use our recently expired student IDs to get a discount. The suggested ticket price fell to $29 total. The ticket master asked what donation amount my date would like to pay, and he responded $20. (I felt horrible! I wanted to donate the remaining $9. I don’t like museums, but you shouldn’t skimp at them.) He then turned to me and said, “I like museums because it’s always a suggested price, and you don’t have to pay all of it.”

Uhhhh, he didn’t have to call attention to being cheap on our first date. I already noticed and was not planning on saying anything. He went on about it for at least five minutes. (I don’t need to know your financial stability on the first date! Just take me some place that’s free like the park. I’d like it more than looking at stuffed animals.) 

We were off to a tainted start, and I was convinced I could turn this 18-wheeler back on track. Trying to make the best of an educational date, I decided to read about the different fossils and dinosaurs.  As I read out loud about one, he leaned up against the railing and stared at me. (I have never been a drop dead gorgeous girl, so this was a new and uncomfortable experience for me.) This continued at the next three fossils until I finally asked him to stop looking at me. (Why would you stare at someone who you are on a date with? It’s not a bar. It’s a museum!)

The date continued down the same path. He answered questions with simple short sentences and only asked topical questions such as, “Do you have siblings?” “Yes” without any sort of follow up. I tried telling stories about my life so he would do the same, but there was nothing that would make him speak about anything besides how he is trying to become more religious (I’m not, so that’s also a problem).

What I gathered from our conversation was he is a momma’s boy (don’t admit that to a girl), he has never lived away from home or supported himself in any form, he thinks lawyers are awful (my dad’s a lawyer…that’s awkward) and he wants to be a police officer so he can stop people from shoplifting (someone’s gotta do it, but my NJB probably won’t be the one doing so).

Finally, I had sped our way through the museum in two hours and I could see the light at the end of the exit. I was so close! He asked to go get lunch with me. I made up an excuse. He asked me to get dessert. (If I wasn’t hungry, I don’t want ice cream!) I felt too guilty not to say yes. Half way through my ice cream, I made a comment about needing to get home. He protested, and walked me to the bus that was out of his way. (There was no getting rid of him.)

At the very end he asked me for my number. I gave it to him, but he repeated it back to me wrong. I didn’t correct him. I should really text that person and thank him for helping me on my search for my NJB. 

P.S. Did anyone else get that he wasn’t willing to pay full price for tickets, but wanted to pay for my meal?

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