Sunday, August 26, 2012

When You Get The Chance To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Should Sit

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Dances are not my strong point. Sorority dances on the other hand take on a whole ‘nother level of stress.

We are forced into taking dates, even though we would probably have more fun just girls and quarter drink deals. (Ladies, am I right or am I right?) Do you know how hard it is for me to convince someone I’m a good time? I don’t even think I’m a good time! On my list of favorite activities, sitting ranks at number one or two, competing with grocery shopping. (I fit in well with 50+ crowd.)

Most everyone I asked to be my date for the evenings were all duds or turned me down (I wasn’t convincing when I told them it would be fun…). And so ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my top three college dance disasters (This message has been brought to you by the University of Illinois and my loving sorority).

1) Junior Year Formal Sam Borenstein: I actually had a crush on this guy, but he was too hard to read until I read that he was not into me. We had chatted each other up since the beginning of summer and it had continued through to November, so I figured it was plausible that he might have liked me. So, I invited him to my dance. Well, I don’t know where this boy grew up (actually I do, the suburbs of Chicago), but he had no manners! I don’t know how to explain how uncomfortable it is to be dancing with a boy while he is texting. I understand my generation is attached at the fingertips to our mobiles, but come on! He also kept buying himself drink after drink after drink. Now I’m not sure if that was a comment on how I looked (I really tried with my makeup and hair!) or my boringness (We actually never sat down). Needless to say, that was a fail. I guess him asking my best friend out a day later also was pretty tragic (that’s a story for next week).

2) Junior Year Pledge Dance Jason Wheeler: Jason, the off/on boy of college, asked me to his dance. I knew at the time, I was a backup, a “I don’t want to go alone,” a “the girl I like will be here with her boyfriend, and I want to appear like I don’t care” date. I didn’t mind. I’d been there before and figured it would be a good time since his best friend was taking my best friend. We went to dinner first where Laura, the best friend, and I were separated. I was forced into awkward conversation with people I barely knew, and Jason was not much help keeping the conversation afloat. Still, it was fine. (I can talk to wall and find something amusing with the conversation.) But then we got to the dance at his fraternity. I don’t know if you have ever been in a sea of people where it’s really dark, but for the record, if you don’t stick to the party you strolled in with, you aren’t finding him again. And that’s what happened. Jason left me. So I got to third wheel it with Laura and Jason’s best friend. (Let me be clear, all three of us were uncomfortable.) Who does that? Leaves their date? Not even an hour into the party, Laura and I were abruptly taken home.  The next day, we  decided our dates got peeved with others’ drug usage happening in their  rooms and ex-hookups sauntering in their suite to mingle with them in front of us, and that’s what led to the quick end to the evening. Neither of us complained about it though. We were happy to be home.

3)Freshman Year Pledge Dance Steven Rosenburg/Mike: For starters, I had asked Jason to the dance my pledge class spent the entire semester planning. He told me a week before that he could no longer be my date because he had to go home for his Aunt’s birthday (You don’t have to tell me. I know it was because he just didn’t want to go with me.) So, I turned to Mike.  Remember Mike? The one who said he liked me, and then he conveniently changed his mind? He was already taking his female best friend. (Fine!) So I took Steven Rosenburg, a thug Jewish boy with earrings. (Does this sound like senior prom at all to anyone?) Steven bought me a drink and then left me to fin for myself so he could go flirt with my sorority sisters. (Really?) So there I was at the dance. Pathetic. Rejected. The strap of my dress broken. BUT! My hair looked damn good! So nothing was going to ruin my night, until I asked Mike to dance. He said no. Then he danced with a girl who didn’t take the time to straighten her hair. And there I was again watching. Even more pathetic and rejected. And then there I was in the hallway, pathetic, rejected and crying. And then there I was on the bus pathetic, rejected and crying. (All the meanwhile, my hair still looking good.) And then there I was with the freshmen boys asking me if I was okay, and I responded tears streaming about my patheticness and rejectedness.  I woke up the next morning with swollen eyes still pathetic and rejected, but this time I was also feeling vengeful. Hell hath no fury like a Laurie scorned!

Moral of the story, I was better off always taking my best friend Joe Gates. He was always the best date. He’s a great asset in my search for my NJB.