Did You Just Break Up With Me?

In middle school and high school my top thoughts included how to make my hair look managed and what it’s like for a boy I like to like me back. (My other thoughts included: how to get into the right college, where I will be in ten years and Alabama football.) So when I got the over-hyped and meaningless FB friendship request, I was ready to experience uncharted waters…liking the same person who likes me back, but it took a while to get there.

A week or two after the party I asked Mike to attend my sorority formal with me. Outside of Hillel, Mike shot back with a few questions: wouldn’t I want to go with someone my own age, wouldn’t I want to go with someone in a fraternity and wouldn’t I want to go with one of my friends. Looking back he was telling me “no” in the most round-about way possible, but I wasn’t letting him. I soldiered on and answered “no” to every question he posed. After batting away all of his excuses, he told me he would “check his schedule” and get back to me.

Since this experience in my life, I now fully understand that when a boy says, “Wouldn’t you rather,” it means, “Hell no I don’t want to go with you, but I am trying to be polite, FREAK.” (Maybe in nicer terms, but this is the sentiment.)

Turns out I had a chemistry test that Thursday night of the formal. When I called and left a voicemail to tell him not to worry about “checking his schedule,” I was not expecting a phone call back. In fact, I was partially praying I would never see him again due to the fact that I could perish from full on embarrassment (an emotion I rarely experience).

As I played dress up with my sorority sisters in our dorm rooms repeating my awful mistakes of the day, my cheap go-phone lit up with the name Mike flashing across it. I paced the room twice, hit the green answer button and let out a “hello” in my highest, most valley-girlest, nervous voice. Here is a bit of the conversation from that night:

Me: Hello?

Mike: Hi Laurie, it’s me Mike.

Me: I saw on the caller ID. Did you get my message?

Mike: Yeah, so here is the thing: You are a really great girl. You are nice and smart (I am not quite sure if he said smart but I am putting it in there for my ego). Any guy would be really lucky to date you.

Me: Haha thank you?

Mike: (The conversation goes blurry, but I continued to get compliments)

Now, I have never been broken up with before, but I am pretty sure Mike’s second line is usually what is said when a girl gets dumped. As I hung up the phone, I just stared into space not understanding what just happened. Mike dumped my intelligent, dateable self before we even went out…

Remember this conversation, my dear readers, because it was not the last time I had to hear his confusing compliments. This NJB was turning into a BJB, and I was beginning my search for that apparently.